The goal of life should be to live heroically and suffer well. You can’t do one without the other.

The people that we admire the most throughout history are those who went through extreme difficulties and came out the other side victorious. They are the champions who did not give up; they continued moving forward against all odds.
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It’s not necessarily the hardships that they overcame that makes them admirable, but rather the courage they had to keep fighting. Because anyone that has been through some shit understands how difficult it can be to not give up.

Their stories hit us at our core because they remind us of what it means to be human. It gives us hope and fills us with inspiration.

But most people try to avoid suffering instead of using it as fuel for their own internal fire. This sets them up for failure, because suffering is unavoidable and a natural part of life. We are all going to have to deal with it eventually, and it’s pretty much guaranteed to be more than once.

‍We all have seasons of calmness where everything is going solid and life is smooth sailing. Then, there are other seasons where we are simply trying to survive the storm.

It’s not just a matter of protecting yourself from the outside world. There is an internal environment that we must learn how to navigate through as well.

Considering how our external environment is safer and easier than ever, I’d say the real battle nowadays is the one that we have to fight with our own psyche and emotions.

We are not met with hardship as often as our ancestors and live extremely comfortably lives in comparison. Because of that, we are not prepared for the inevitable suffering that is part of the human experience.

The people that you love most will eventually die. You’re going to deal with health issues, especially as you continue to get older. There will be unexpected financial difficulties, natural disasters, war and conflict, betrayal, loneliness, failure, and just overall challenges that will rock your ship.

Your only hope of dealing with any of it is to cultivate resilience and a strong character, which are both built through suffering.

The heroes of the past were not weak and fragile people who just randomly found it within themselves to push through and come out on top. The characteristics that allowed them to persevere were developed over time by overcoming challenges over and over again. Instead of trying to escape the discomfort of reality, they leaned into it, and used it to strengthen their mind and spirit.

This is the complete opposite of today’s world, and without these types of concrete challenges to our lives, a hopelessness plagues our society — which is kind of odd because this could be considered the best time to be alive.

Everyone has been brainwashed into believing that life should always be easy and comfortable, and anything that could disrupt this fantasy should be avoided.

And when life does become difficult and uncomfortable they don’t know how to deal with it. They might even start believing that something is severely wrong with them if they experience natural emotions like stress, anxiety, and depression.

But it’s this mental fixation on the “problem” and resistance to how things currently are that makes their situation even worse.

Instead of being in denial and wishing things were different, it’s much more productive to accept it and say, “Well, this is how things are right now, but it won’t last forever.” This is a logical way of thinking.

Taking this approach removes the false expectations about how you think life should be and allows you to actually flow with it.

I know it’s easy to think that we have control over everything and can force things to work in our favor, but a lot of times, it’s completely out of our control. So many factors shape our entire existence, we can’t even begin to comprehend the magnitude of it all.

You’re better off accepting reality, because then you can see things more clearly and accurately and figure out the best path forward. This doesn’t mean taking a passive approach to life. It’s actually the complete opposite.

When you accept a situation, you can move beyond it and take action to navigate it more efficiently. Instead of playing the victim, wishing things were different, and staying stuck in the same place, you accept it. Then you can figure out what aspects are within your control and what you can do next.‍‍

‍Why We Have Become a Stagnant Species

‍Now, I understand why it’s so easy to fall into this trap of thinking that everything should be better or different. Everywhere that we look, there are ads that promise quick fixes and instant gratification for any of your problems.

Social media only shows the highlight reels of people’s lives, which has created an illusion that happiness means a life free from pain and struggle.

No matter what you’re dealing with, the healthcare system will try to fix it by shoving another pill down your throat. And if that pill doesn’t do the trick, they will just keep adding more on top of it until you are eventually a mindless zombie who has no emotions.

Even when it comes to the food we eat, restaurants can get you a meal in minutes. Everyone just ignores the fact that it’s shit quality, chemically processed, and is slowly killing them.

Then, when people get home, they turn on the TV and spend endless hours watching mind-numbing entertainment that allows them to escape the miserable existence that they have created for themselves by always taking the easy route.

It’s not necessarily your fault if you find yourself stuck in this perpetual cycle.

Modern culture has programed us to always seek the path of least resistance, to avoid anything that might cause even the smallest amount of discomfort, and it has become our biggest downfall.

It is leading us down a path of weakness and unfulfilled potential because it spills over into every aspect of our lives. Everyone is told to create safe spaces and avoid absolutely all triggers that could potentially harm their fragile identity.

Self-limiting phrases like “you’re perfect just the way you are now” gives people the excuse that they don’t need to ever push themselves and climb to the highest peaks of self-actualization.

Because they just bought into this narrative without questioning it, their mind and body slowly deteriorate. Every day is the same, completely absent of new experiences. Fear holds them back from adventure, and failure stops them from pursuing success.

All of this is a massive problem. 

The constant pursuit of comfort breeds a lack of resilience, and it stops us from developing the skills needed to deal with the inevitable difficulties of life — the same difficulties that will lead to personal growth.

I think what’s even more dangerous though, is that this way of living gives everyone a sense of entitlement. It sets unrealistic expectations for how they think life should be, which creates all kinds of psychological turmoil.

When we're used to getting what we want with minimal effort, we become impatient and are unable to handle delays or difficulties — which are going to happen. This is what leads to anxiety and frustration when things don't go as planned, and it removes the ability to pivot and persevere when faced with challenges.

The fact of the matter is that we have very little control over the external world. The only thing we really do have control over is our internal environment.

But instead of devoting vital life energy to getting a grip on their mind so they can better handle setbacks, most people are defeated by every little thing that doesn’t go as planned.

On a psychological level, avoiding suffering actually causes even more severe forms of depression and feelings of unfulfillment. Without having any experience of overcoming challenges, life will start to feel superficial and lack meaning.

Suffering and struggle are what make life meaningful. If handled correctly, they will always result in personal growth and self-discovery. Suffering and struggle force us to confront our limitations, learn how to adapt, and continue growing stronger.

It’s the obsession that most people have for comfort that lowers their appreciation for the high moments of life.‍

‍Without these hardships, we would have nothing to compare victory to. If there was no darkness, then there would be no appreciation for light. If there was no cold, then we wouldn’t cherish heat.

When we block ourselves off from suffering, we lower our ability to have gratitude and enjoy the good moments to the fullest extent.

‍Powering Through the Darkest Times

I’ve experienced this multiple times throughout life, but it hit me the hardest back in 2020. There was a nine-month period where I woke up every morning feeling lower than the day before.

I remember one specific time right around Christmas when I just had a complete breakdown and found myself curled up on the living room floor. I couldn’t stop thinking that I may never experience any sort of happiness again. It was like the emotion had become so foreign to me that I almost forgot what it was like to feel joy.

Darkness had completely consumed me, and I would have given anything to see the light again. I was completely numb to everything. I kept repeating the mantra “Keep Moving Forward” in my head at all times and had never been more desperate to get to the other side.

A part of me wants to say that I would have gotten through it by pure strength and determination; but looking back, I honestly don’t know if that’s true… If it wasn’t for my dad, daughter, and sister, I may have lost all will to continue fighting.

Eventually, I did manage to crawl out of this personal hell, and I was a new and better version of myself from the entire experience. I had a whole new appreciation for my existence, and life had never been more beautiful. In a weird way, I was grateful for what I went through.

Even to this day, I don’t think I have ever experienced more growth than during those nine months.

The reason that I was able to grow so much was because I leaned into the suffering. I didn’t drown it out with alcohol, drugs, and distractions. I actually deleted social media and spent as much time as possible in complete solitude.

I didn’t isolate myself because of depression. I did it because I needed to direct all of my energy and focus to myself.

Every time that I chose to do something positive for myself, I felt myself getting stronger, and I knew that I was one step closer to winning the battle.

When I hit the gym, went on a hike, read a book, or took time to meditate, I was proving to myself that I actually gave a fuck about myself.

I think that’s where a lot of depression comes from: We allow negative self-talk to completely take hold of us and we start believing the bullshit that our mind is feeding us.

That internal critic can easily become our greatest enemy if we haven’t learned how to detach from it, and it has the potential to absolutely ruin you. The best way to combat it is by taking action and stacking victories.

Now, I don’t want you or anyone else to have to go through what I did. I’m not saying that you need to purposely make yourself fucking miserable. 

The point I want to drive home is that when we face and overcome challenges, we build a stronger character for ourselves because adversity is what allows us to discover our true potential.

Every struggle that we experience adds a layer of resilience that prepares us for future hardships. It’s how you develop the mental toughness to withstand the inevitable storms.

Struggle forces you to push past your preconceived limits, and you discover strengths that you never knew you had. This gives you a massive boost in confidence because you now have proof that you are a capable individual, and your self-esteem massively increases as a result.

It’s during these seasons of difficulties that we achieve our greatest victories, both externally and internally. Because you survived, and persevered, you will begin living in a more authentic way. You will stop hiding from your fears and start confronting them head-on, because you know that you can handle it.

This authenticity and overall faith in yourself is what builds a deeper sense of fulfillment and purpose. You no longer have to run from your true self and deny fundamental aspects of life. You can choose to embrace every part of what it means to be human: the good and what most people would consider the bad.

In our modern times, we have to become almost militant about finding ways to utilize suffering to become stronger. We have to take deliberate, actionable steps each and every day that push us out of our comfort zone.

You don’t have to go overboard with this and make your life a living hell, just make sure you’re setting achievable goals that force you to level up and reach new heights for yourself.

‍Goal-Setting for Self-Improvement‍

Setting goals is what empowers you to take control of your destiny because it gives you direction and a clear path to follow. This allows you to channel your efforts toward a specific objective that will lead you to the life you want and the person you want to become, instead of just leaving it up to chance.‍

‍You can sit on your ass all day watching Netflix, scrolling on your phone, buying shit you don’t need, and have your McDonalds delivered to your doorstep. But that existence is barely survival, it’s not really living.

Without a goal that forces you to level up, you are more likely to become stuck in the same place. That’s why it’s common for most people to start going completely downhill around the age of thirty. They get a decent job that pays the bills, settle down with a partner they can tolerate, have a kid or two, and press the repeat button on their life.

As long as you remain pretty much the exact same, everything will continue to exist and be easygoing. But here’s the thing: that internal fire you had in your 20’s slowly starts to get weaker until it eventually ceases to exist.

People who live like this are no longer ambitious and do not demand more from themselves, even though they have more responsibilities now than they did in the past and need to be better because of that reason.

I want you to understand that as long as you are breathing, you can continue to improve and push yourself to climb higher physically, mentally, and spiritually.

Why would you not pursue this path of never-ending self-improvement? 

Why would you not want to see what you can achieve before your time is up?

The only reason you wouldn’t want to is because of self-hatred and a lack of belief in yourself. This is even more of a reason to pursue meaningful goals, and to step out of your comfort zone, because then you can use your action as a way to destroy this limiting mindset.

Every goal that you accomplish is like ammunition that you can use to weaken this internal critic that is stopping you from reaching your true potential.

What most people fail to realize is that life actually becomes more difficult when we stop moving forward. It’s not going to happen overnight, it’s a slow deterioration that is hidden from your conscious awareness.

The years go by, and one day you wake up fifty pounds heavier, emotionally numb, and your mind is no longer as sharp as it used to be because you neglected yourself by avoiding difficulty. At that point, it will be extremely hard to change course because years of negative habits have become part of your identity and breaking them isn’t going to be easy.

Now, is it possible to recreate yourself later on in life? Absolutely. But the older you get, the harder it will be. If you have spent the majority of your life avoiding difficulty at all costs, then it will be a constant uphill battle that very few people have the willpower to overcome.

All of this is avoidable though, by understanding that suffering is a natural part of life. It’s not good or bad, it just is what is.

Each obstacle is an opportunity to build a stronger character and become the best version of yourself. Through experience and repetition, you can learn how to transform suffering into a powerful force for personal growth by going after new goals that force you to evolve.

So, I want you to ask yourself: 

How will you push yourself to new heights? 

What areas of your life have you been neglecting?

Sit down with pen and paper and be brutally honest with yourself, then develop your plan of attack to change the trajectory of your life.

Don’t forget that every setback you experience is an opportunity for a triumphant comeback. You just have to keep moving forward.