The victim mentality is the one thing that will hold you back the most in life. It’s like a plague that completely ruins your self-worth and overall perception of reality, and it’s easier now, more than ever, to fall into it.

One of the reasons victim mentality is so prevalent is that social media and Hollywood have created a bullshit illusion of how life should be; and people allow self-pity to take hold because they think their life SHOULD be different when in all reality, life is how it is because of our actions.‍

‍And often times, we don’t see the impact until later on down the road, which is why it’s not often taken into consideration. This can be a powerful realization though because it gives you more control over your life.

Social media channels have also become an easy way for people to vent their problems to the world and get sympathy from others.

They do it so much that it becomes almost addicting, and they start to feed off it — which can even lead them to self-sabotage their life without even realizing it… All so they have a reason to make another post.

But what’s even worse about the victim mentality is what it does to your self-image and potential.

When you start labeling yourself as the victim of life, it paints a doom and gloom picture of the world and existence as a whole.

You start saying things like… 

• “I will never have enough.” 
• “Life is out to get me.” 
• “Bad things always happen to me.” 
  

Then that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. You keep yourself stuck in this mental prison and it slowly eats away at your confidence. 

Eventually you lose all hope of ever climbing higher because you don’t believe there is any hope. And you’re right. There is no hope, but that’s because you make that decision for yourself.

Now before we go any further, there’s something that I need you to understand…‍‍

If you are dealing with difficulties, it’s usually because you either fucked up and need to choose a new course of action moving forward so the pattern doesn’t repeat, OR this is an obstacle that you have to overcome in order to evolve.

And I know you might be thinking, “It’s not my fault that this certain thing happened,” but at the end of the day, it’s better to take responsibility for everything because it allows you to take back control of your life and use that as fuel to grow.

We always have some part in every situation of our lives, and if you can pinpoint what that is, especially if it’s a flaw of yours, then you now have something new to work on, which is great.

The victim is unable to realize this, which is why they never take action to fix their situation. They don’t believe they have free will and the ability to dictate the direction of their life. They would rather wallow in self-pity and blame everyone but themselves, so they can keep feeding the narrative that everything is awful.

Now, my goal here isn’t to go on the attack and bash anyone. The purpose of this conversation is to help you eradicate the victim mentality once and for all so you can live the most triumphant existence possible.

It’s also a reminder to myself because everything I’m saying is a realization that I've had to come to in my own life — I was stuck in this vicious cycle as well.

I promise you that once you’re able to break free from the victim mentality, your entire life will change for the better.

Falling into this trap was easy for me because of my past: My parents had me when they were in high school. Neither of them came from wealthy backgrounds and they were essentially on their own at a very young age.

Within six months of me being born they separated. My mom decided to run off with me as an attempt to cut my dad out of the picture… And at the age of nineteen, this dude got a lawyer, took full custody, and drove 24 hours to find me in the basement of a run-down house.

I was pretty much living in a car seat at all times and was barely able crawl at nine months old.

From that point forward, I was with my dad, who worked endlessly to make ends meet while raising a child on his own. Looking back, I can’t even imagine how difficult that must have been for him, but he did it.

With that being said, he was young and obviously had his own shit to work through; and of course, that affected my development, which is the case for every child on this planet.

During my entire upbringing, there were mentally unstable women, specifically my mom.

For example, one night when I was twelve, my mom called at three o’clock in the morning pretending to be someone else and telling me she died in a car accident… Yeah, it’s fucked.

On top of that, I grew up in a lower economic area of Northwest Florida where almost everyone I knew was addicted to drugs and alcohol, living off unemployment and constantly in and out of jail.

I did just enough to get by in school and prioritized drinking over anything else during my teenage years.

When I was fifteen, I was arrested for stealing clothes from the mall and I continued that way of living for another ten years… and this is just scratching the surface of what my early life was like.

At any point, I could have used it as an excuse to continue down this path and be a product of my environment. But instead, I chose to view it as a strength instead of a weakness.

Growing up without a bunch of money made me more resilient and resourceful. It allowed me to take risks that most people wouldn’t.

I had absolutely no idea what it was like to ask for a handout because I was never given one, so I moved mountains to make my goals a reality.

So yeah, I’m glad that my life played out how it has because it shaped me into who I am now; and it also created a very vivid mental image of the life I don’t want for myself or my family… Because I have lived it, I know what it looks like, and I refuse to ever go back to it.

Now, I’m not telling you this to get sympathy or to paint myself as some sort of hero.

It’s meant to be used as an example of how you can take the worst of a situation and simply shift your perspective to see it in a more positive light, and when you do this, your entire life will change because how you view any situation shapes your reality.

You can choose to be the champion who overcomes every obstacle or the victim who gets crushed by every little event.

It’s all a matter of how you choose to see the world and the events that are unfolding around you. There’s actually a quote from Wayne Dyer that really brings this point home. He said: 

And that’s the truth.

Something that has also helped me the most with eliminating the victim mindset is cultivating a mindset of gratitude.

Everything I just talked about from my own life could be seen as unfortunate, but there are people in this world, and throughout history, that have had it a hundred times worse.

Here are just a few examples: 

• Over 700 million adults cannot read or write, which means their potential for growth is next to none.

• 800 million people go to bed hungry each night because they cannot afford food. 7 million of those are children under the age of five who die from malnutrition every year.

• Roughly 2 billion people don’t have access to the internet.

• 100 million people worldwide are homeless.

• 39 million are blind and will never be able to vividly experience life.

• And 1/4 of humanity still lives without electricity.

These are all modern issues, and those are nothing compared to what people had to deal with in the past.

So, when we take a step back, it’s not too difficult to realize that life could be a lot worse, because most of the problems we think we have are all superficial.‍

Practicing Gratitude

A practice that I’ve been doing for the past few years is writing down five things that I’m grateful for every morning.

I usually try to mix them up because at first it can be pretty easy to find things, but when you purposely think outside of the box, you start finding new and unexpected things to be grateful for.

I think one thing that absolutely everyone should really think about is life itself.

And yet most people take this for granted. They do absolutely nothing with their lives and complain about their new age problems like being stuck in traffic or the internet being down for a few hours.

I think that one of the biggest reasons for this is that we are not reminded of death as much as nature had intended.

When I was eighteen, one of my best friends died at my house on New Years Eve — and this was a turning point in my life. I remember thinking about how he would never be able to experience another moment or see what he could make of himself.

This was my first real reminder that life can be taken from us at any time, and we need to value the time we do have and make the most of it.

If it wasn’t for this experience, there is absolutely no way that my life would be what it is today. Because from that point forward, I took risks to grow, and I became obsessed with leveling up, which led me to want to share what I’ve learned to help other people do the same.

I truly believe that this is the purpose of life: to grow as an individual so you can help others do the same.

Everything on this planet is in a constant state of survival: 99% of every living thing throughout the course of life on this planet has gone extinct.

And it’s safe to say that humans will eventually as well, and even if we don’t, the sun will eventually die, and everything will cease to exist anyways.

BUT if we work on ourselves, and help others along the way, we have more of a fighting chance to continue playing this game longer. And why not? ‍

‍ But here’s the thing, none of this is possible if you are stuck in a victim mindset.

You have to cultivate an attitude of unwavering positivity and believe that no matter what happens, you will always prevail.

Realize that you are capable of overcoming every obstacle and be thankful for the opportunities, because the end result will always be you leveling up.

Remember that if you are going through a season of difficulty, it’s a good thing because it means you are growing. You are getting one step closer to becoming your ideal self.‍

‍The Seven Day Mental Diet

Something else that has helped me shift my negative perception to a more positive one is the Seven Day Mental Diet.

I originally learned about it from a book by Emmet Fox. He suggests that if you only think good and productive thoughts for seven straight days, you can break yourself of the bad habit of thinking in a negative way.

Because at the end of the day, negative thought patterns are nothing more than a habit, and like any other habit, we can break it.

The principle behind the Seven Day Mental Diet is pretty simple, and it has the potential to catapult your success.

So, the way it works is:

If you catch yourself thinking of something negative for more than a minute or two, you have to restart the diet and go back to day one.

And trust me when I say this is easier said than done. From my experience, life will throw something big at you to try and knock you off course.

The first time I did it, I ended up going through a gnarly break-up on day five. So, just go ahead and assume that it will probably take you longer than seven days to complete the challenge.

But the purpose isn’t to speed through it and see results immediately — it’s to reprogram your mind and start creating a new identity.

Each day that you choose to see yourself and your situations in a more positive light, you are reinforcing this new belief system, and this will become stronger over time.

And I know this might sound ridiculous. You’re probably thinking that it won’t work, and if that’s the case then you are not desperate enough for change. Because if you were, then you would be willing to do whatever it takes to change your current situation.

And once again, I’m speaking from experience.

I used to think that the word “positive” was only used by hippies and people who didn’t want to face reality. I wore my negative mindset as a badge of honor and allowed it to control my life. It wasn’t until I found myself at the lowest point ever that I decided to make a change.

I no longer wanted to live this way, so I got obsessed with overcoming it. ‍

‍This is the only way you will take the necessary action to change. No one else can do it for you, you have to want it for yourself.

But all it takes is to be able to see a different potential reality for yourself, and from there you can start moving in that direction to create a new life and identity.

When you catch yourself spiraling into old negative thinking patterns, give yourself a reality check so you don’t exaggerate how bad the situation really is. Replace the overly negative thoughts with more realistic ones.

And remember that where there is a negative, there can also be a positive. It’s all a matter of how you choose to view things, which is within your control.

You also need to be proactive and problem solve if you find yourself in less-than-ideal situations. Don’t just give up and accept that this is your fate. Shift your perspective to see it as just another obstacle that you need to overcome — and you do this by taking action and moving forward toward it.

You’ll realize that by taking action, you will feel less sorry for yourself and be filled with the opposite energy, which is to conquer.

And like I said earlier, the victim mindset and negative thinking are nothing more than habits, and all negative habits can be broken and replaced with positive ones.

Breaking free from the victim mentality isn’t just some nice idea—it’s a full-on battle. When you stop seeing yourself as a casualty of life and start taking control of your actions, everything changes.

The obstacles you face aren’t there to crush you; they’re there to test you. Every setback becomes a chance to get stronger, every failure an opportunity to adjust your course.

Once you flip that switch, you don’t just change your life—you change who you are.

So, stop waiting for someone to come fix it. No one’s coming. The power to rise up and create the life you want has always been yours. Now it’s time to own it.